All my life, I remember always being the child that always knew what she wanted and I remember always longing for a good friendship. I vividly remember my first best friend in primary school, she was a new student I hated at first but with time we knocked it off, we went on good for a while until she started hanging out with the very intelligent kids in class, I was a average student that was splendid in English and social activities but that was it. I remember how it hurt me that she exchanged me and cast me off.
Pretty much every relationship I had like that!, every supposed good friendship wasn't all that and I remember at a point I felt I was hugely the problem, I was too boring and act to perfect, always the good child, was too shy.
I made up excuses but even when I took time to better myself and build myself, it was always so hard to find that one friend that was your actual ride or die, that had your back in good and back, and didn't talk behind you and harbour hate in their heart.
Who remembers Phoebe in the cast series of FRIENDS, when she referred to Ross as being Rachel's lobster!. Why can't we get a friendship lobster. Those sorth of friends that you can be imperfect in life together!, you help build yourselves and watch eachother grow, be there for one another, fight and settle it, communicate and understand, Not a Parasitic, envious and selfish relationship.
As unlucky as I have been in having those kind of relationships that mess with your psychological balance, I was pretty blessed at some point in my life, with beautiful people, who thank God I'm still friends with but life just took us down different paths , making us very far from each other.
I have genrally learnt that you can't give what you don't have!, you can't have a good friend if you aren't one to yourself first, I used to be so afraid to be alone but with all the lessons I have gotten from life, a times its all I ever want to just be, ALONE!!. To feel myself and reach into myself, to be kind to myself and arrange my thoughts in other to come out giving love to the world. I hope one day I'll have a story for you guys to talk about my Lobster , cause I don't feel yet, that I have had that friendship that has turned to the Lobster theory. Time is the big test of everything, so I'll wait on it but for the mean time I'll love those that do nothing but love me and I'll love me and build a self lobster. Either ways I hope when it comes, I won't miss it cause of past hurt and I hope we all recognize those really God sent people to our lives and don't let silly things cloud them.
Remember to Feel it and not Force it.